Welcome to Bizarro World, where Paris Hilton doesn't make me want to punch things.

Guys?

I'm confused.

So very confused.

Paris Hilton has made so many attempts to redeem herself through self-parody that I get dizzy trying to count them. Thing is that, until this morning, every single one of them fell absolutely flat. It's one thing to be famous for, you know, nothing at all, and quite another to increase one's fame by repeatedly calling attention to the fact that it is entirely un-earned. And even if the joke had been that funny to start with, isn't it, like, five years old by now?

So this morning, when the Tubes called my attention to its latest variation, I expected that I would once again be underwhelmed, and then homicidally irritated:

But um, no, I actually think this works. I even think it's funny.

Terrifying. Terrifying. Terrifying. I need a hug.